"There are no second acts in American lives." ( F. Scott Fitzgerald )
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Authenticity : Find The Path To The Real You

By Tessa Ivascu | Section(s): GET... | Add Your comment

Change occurs, whether you want it or not. Maybe a major setback has left you powerless. Or maybe you are under stress, burnout is bubbling to the surface, you are unable to feel joy and to invest your life with meaning. You wake up every morning dreading the day and feeling like you should stay in bed. You avoid looking into your bathroom mirror because you are ashamed of your self-image. But is it really your self image ? Or is it shaped by conditioning ? By your struggle to "get along with the world" ?

Authenticity :
Being true to one's spirit despite external pressure

We are all conditioned to look for success, abundance, peace of mind, in the outer world. Whether we realize it or not, we follow in someone else's shoes. When we are stuck in a rut, when we suffer a major setback or when we simply feel unhappy, we try to find the reason in the outer world too. So, what seems to be the problem ? The job, the house, the spouse, the fame you will never get ? The job, the house, the spouse, the fame you no longer have ?

Maybe... Then why do you HEAR this voice constantly whispering in your ear that this is not the problem? That you are missing the point ? That there is a higher agenda ? Why does this voice - this other you - keep telling you that the answer is not in the outer but in the inner world ?

But... the key to your inner world seems to be missing ! You don't remember where you put it ? Of course you don't. You had been so busy climbing uphill during the "first act" of your life - building a career, raising a family, dealing with immediate concerns - that you have lost yourself, dumped your dreams and flattened your creativity in the process. In return, you got a false identity
and adopted a lifestyle that makes you feel like "you belong" but force you to play a part not consistent with your core values.

When are we authentic ?
When we feel we live on purpose

Think of that "fashion mistake" you still keep in your closet. You must have at least one, everybody does. You considered it a "must have" because of the brand or because it looked "fantastic" on somebody else. Even if it wasn't "quite you", you forced yourself to wear it anyway. Whenever you blame yourself for not daring to throw it away, you find the perfect excuse : it was sooo expensive ! Or : it was suuuch a bargain !

Likewise, the actions that earned you your false identity and the lifestyle that goes with it cost you so many efforts that you don’t dare to change them for the genuine "you". But when you are stuck and need to empower yourself to break free of your rut, this false identity is just dead load. Worse, it tells you that you must go "from setback to comeback".

Comeback to what? To a replay of your "first act", following the winner-takes-all prepared script and leading you to make the same mistakes, again and again. Fortunately, there is no magic carpet ready to take you "from setback to comeback". Yes, fortunately ! Don’t come back ! Go forward ! Accept the fact that your life must change. And take control of the change. Explore your authentic nature, tap into your strengths, skills, values you have hidden so deep that you no longer know you possess.

There is no map for your journey towards your authentic self. No how-to for a successful usage of your natural gifts. Only you know what is authentic for you. But we all know we're authentic when we invest what we do with meaning and when we feel we live on purpose.

Start with the following
To Do List

  • Accept the fact that your life must change
  • Accept what cannot change.
  • Find the correspondence among what should be, what can be and what is.
  • Attain your needs before pursuing your wants.
  • Honor yourself.
  • Stop feeling guilty for honoring yourself.
  • Identify your inner critic : is it your father ? Your mother ? A teacher ? Society ? The media ?
  • Learn to say NO.
  • Learn to LET GO.
  • Say what you mean, do what you say.
  • Choose empathy over apathy.
  • Give what you want to receive.
  • Find humor in being human.
  • Live deliberately.
  • Enjoy the journey.
  • Appreciate the distance already covered.
  • Embrace passion.
First of all :
Allow yourself to dream

Not about a "perfect" life : about an authentic life. Use the power of your imagination to see the bigger picture, connect with those high qualities you have which make you unique – and lovable. What your authentic life would be like ? Visualize it. Visualize the road leading to it. It may be shorter than you think…
One can have no smaller or greater mastery than the mastery of oneself.
Leonardo Da Vinci

Read more :
Update Your Beliefs
Kick Start Your Creative Thinking

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Perry said...

Great advice. How much time do we waste trying to be something because we feel expected to be that particular something.

Step one - realize who you are
Step two - be who you are
Step three - ignore the well meaning advice to be something/someone else.

gerovital said...
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Daniel Milstein said...

That is so true Tessa As an author and business man,I can relate to how you said "One can have no smaller or greater mastery than the mastery of oneself".I hope more people discover your blog because you really know what you're talking about. Can't wait to read more from you!

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